its when you treat a person you do bdsm with (usually a dom) as though they only exist to give you kink, rather than a person with their own preferences, needs, and even maybe a personality outside of bdsm.

the accusation usually made is that some subs treat doms as kink dispensers, as though they dont have limits, preferences, and aftercare needs, and will just be happy to dominate a person however you'll let them. as a switch, i can tell you that a lot of subs forget that submitting and turning your brain off isnt enough; you also have to communicate and listen and work together with your partner.

some doms treat their subs similarly, but the accusation there is usually abuse or assault, rather than just "treating your sub like a kink dispenser." i think this disparity is valid; the risk that subs take is a lot greater in a lot of ways and a dom ignoring limits or needs is DANGEROUS. but like i think that the way subs treat doms goes unchecked a lot of the time due to a weird paternalism where we act like subs have no responsibilities.