I feel such an intense rush of excitement around the idea of divulging my fetishes to someone. And to hear that they share any of them sends me over the moon.

But oddly when things become 'real' its VERY tough for me to understand what I want.

My fantasies are all about submission, but I highly value autonomy its like the fantasy comes from being the opposite of my personality.

I also love to connect with someone who is very encouraging and kind to me, but the fantasies are about someone being cruel and degrading me.

So sometimes after IRL play even when its very fun I have some urge to cut out the BDSM play entirely, then later I want it again.

its so confusing!!!

How do I know what I want?