I need to get a few things off my chest and I don't really have anywhere else to say this.

For a little background I'm a college student living in the south US and I'm not straight. I'm pansexual and I have been trying to get back into dating. Which has been rough. Also this is something I feel in both a general dating sense as well as a submissive.

I feel like I'm not good enough. The last two almost relationships I had I've been told that; "Oh sorry not looking for a relationship I think we are better as friends." After treating me like we had been dating and a couple for months and getting intimate. This person literally called me two hours after we were intimate to tell me this. And then again recently getting really close with someone only to be told. "Oh by the way before this goes any further I just got in a relationship yesterday, but we can be friends."

And the thing is I know I am good enough that I have improved myself and I am still trying to improve. I've worked on my anxiety, my confidence in myself and my body. But time and time again just as I get my hopes up and feelings develop, I get crushed and then wonder why I was stupid enough to try. I just feel hollow, and unworthy of someone. I crave feeling cared for, cherished, and not really owned but the desire to be possessed by someone. I'm theirs and no one else's. It just really hurts. Because no matter how much time I put into myself I feel like no one else sees it. But what hurts the most is when talking with Doms that listen to my interests, concerns etc. Then turn around and want me to conform to their kinks even if it's not something I'm into. I don't nessacarily have a high sex drive and a lot of what I like with in kink isn't always sexual for me. And I feel like I tell someone that and they believe they can either change that about me or I'm not a real sub and they ghost me for someone else. It's just been really difficult trying to sort my head out with my emotions making it impossible to think straight.

Also this is not an invitation to flood my inbox with messages trying to get with me. I just needed to get this off my chest. So unless you are being sincere or have advice please don't.