I 38M DOM recently got back into group play with my wife 33F SUB. We met our first third in a long time for drinks after chatting here on Reddit for a little.

There was some basic buildup asking limits, preferences, and assigning safe-words. I did take the time to prep our new friend, and build some rapport, I thought she was ready she made me feel like she was ready. She had some experience and wanted to be pushed more (great!!).

She was not ready. The memory I can’t shake is: my wife was bent over shaking/ showing off her ass. And I asked our friend if she wanted to spank her. She did and gave her booty a little tap. I wanted to show off how amazing, submissive, and obedient my wife/sub of 14 years. It makes daddy very proud to show off his little girl. However, when I slapped my wife’s ass (hard maybe 80-90% maximum.) the look on our friends face was pure terror. She started asking my wife if she was ok. My wife laughed at her and calmed her down (she was ready to end the play and run out the door). Now usually I’m fine with compartmentalization. I even tend to be a little sadistic so generally I don’t get any negative emotions when my wife and I play even though I hurt her pretty badly sometimes.

Why is the fear from this stranger hard to shake for me?

We played with a cuckold couple last weekend and I was frozen. The couple had told us they were less experienced in bdsm and wanted to take things slower. And idk I was frozen. I mean I performed well for a vanilla bull, but I just couldn’t let the mask slip off (if that makes sense to other doms). I couldn’t take control, I was too worried about terrifying another one.

So 1.) how do I cope with this now.

2.) How can I avoid this in the future. I’m thinking I’m a bit to use to my faithful wife who has submitted to my every desire for over 12 years. How can I go slow in an manner that is exciting?