Context: I am brand new to being in a D/s relationship. Have lurked/researched/wanted to explore this lifestyle for 5 yrs and was not able to bring it into my last 2 long term relationships. My last vanilla relationship (of 2.5 yrs) ended April 2022, and I’ve taken the time to be alone ever since. I told myself I would seek out a D/s relationship when I was ready to date again, because I have wanted this for so long. Fast forward to a little over a month ago. I got on some kink friendly dating apps. My Dom (35M) and I (29F) met online 3 wks ago. We have a lot in common, vanilla & kink. We hit it off pretty quickly. Have been in almost constant contact since, and had 2 play dates that both went really well. He is 10 yrs experienced in kink, and is a Daddy Dom. We’ve openly discussed what we are looking for - both desire a long term partner, DDLG, some degree of 24/7 dynamic, and ultimately a childfree marriage.

NOW. Things I am struggling with… - Learning how a D/s relationship works (vs. vanilla) - Normal dating/learning a new person things (I’ve been out of the game for 3 yrs) - AND I’m realizing (to my unpleasant surprise) I have baggage from my past relationship that is affecting my new one.

The baggage/issues: I was cheated on, lied to, and given the cold shoulder/ignored (if I wasn’t being yelled at) in a disagreement.

Through no fault of my Dom’s, I am seeing these things pop up, and they are causing problems where there shouldn’t be any. I question myself and him when I don’t hear from him for extended periods of time (without explanation), when I get short responses from him, and get anxious when I don’t know when I will see him again (we haven’t planned our next play date) to name a few. I feel very clingy and needy. I hate this, as I have always prided myself on being the “strong/low maintenance girlfriend” who doesn’t need to be reassured or talked to constantly. This has never been an issue for me before.

I can see it is wearing on his patience. He has been very reassuring and even talked me down over the phone through an anxious episode with grounding exercises. (All while juggling legitimate family issues that took him out of town unexpectedly for a week.)

I also recognize now that I have been deep in sub frenzy, and I need to master myself as well.

It feels like a lot has happened very quickly in a short amount of time. I am attributing this to the extremely open communication and extensive sharing of personal things that I normally would not discuss so quickly, but have with him. The sub frenzy is very real.

How can I scale things back and gain some perspective in the moment? How you have handled anxiety/trust/abandonment issues that have carried over into a new relationship? Are there things I should be asking of him as my Daddy Dom to take control of that could help me? Or is that asking/expecting too much, too soon?

Thanks for reading.