A little intro: I am a guy(33M) from India where the kink lifestyle isn't practiced liberally. Lately, a lot of people have shown interest only because of the popularity of a movie somewhat illustrating BDSM in its own shades(ahem). It has become tougher to fish out the real subs (those are very scarce around here).

The most prevalent issue I've come across after meeting people from my locality is that most of them are bottoms with masochistic tendencies who haven't really experienced the desire for submission, the thing is that they all identify themselves as submissives ready for a D/s dynamic. They mainly want to experience the thrill of being bound helpless, spanked and handled roughly.

Basically, the yearning to give up control and to establish a power dynamic isn't what they seek.

This brings us to the point of vetting a sub. Especially, a female new to D/s dynamic. Training a sub or guiding, in general, won't work with those who aren't actually aware of the lifestyle. Not that I don't enjoy bottoms but I specifically want to establish a proper D/s dynamic. It sometimes gets exhausting trying to figure out and by taking a chance with newbies. It also makes me wonder if I am seeking a M/s dynamic.

How to be sure a potential sub isn't actually just an enthusiastic bottom?

I am thinking of limiting it to non-physical interactions or may be no sessions that are just sexual until we figure out that we both are on the same page. Any ideas or suggestions would be helpful.

Thank You!