51F married/partnered for 21 years to 62M. I'm doing the whole midlife metamorphosis thing and realizing I've always been interested in kink and just didn't let it get anywhere near the surface of my consciousness due to my upbringing, etc. Our sex life has never been fantastic (from my perspective anyway) but it was at least decent for the first several years.

3 years ago I got up the courage (and it took courage!) to tell my husband about my developing interest in BDSM. He was very supportive and turned on. Then... nothing. I bought toys. I read books. I initiated a couple of times over the next 2 years. It was fun - not earth shattering. We played at a little bondage because I wanted to be tied up and at his mercy. I bought everything. I set it up. (Not at his direction but because he's clueless and never bothered to ask). I've also shared my DDlg fantasies with him and he really did try once but he just doesn't have the ability to role play like that. It ends up feeling very awkward and is a big turn off for me. (Which I of course don't tell him because he's already self-conscious enough).

I don't honestly think he has any interest in kink. He would do what I ask him to do because he wants to make me happy. What would make me happy is being with someone who actually wants to play with me and is willing to put in the effort. He is otherwise a lovely person. Funny, kind, etc.

Has anyone found a satisfying relationship with someone who is just vanilla down to their toes but a caring enough partner to at least try?