Hello this post is aimed towards the more s type folks in the audience, but all perspectives welcome. I'm in the process of learning a new potential submissive and she's an absolute joy. It has caused me to really evaluate a lot of my perspectives and ways of being as a Dom.

Do you enjoy phrases like "use your words", or does it have an inverse effect?

Here's what I mean by that: Being the teasing soft Dom that I am, I really enjoy when my sub gets all flustered and nervous in that sexy way when it comes to saying what she wants. I find that saying "use your words" or "if you want something, you just have to tell me" to really work on a lot of levels as part of getting into a play session.

However, I want to make sure that is actually does what I hope. I'm hoping that it heightens the tension and putting my submissive face to face with her desires helps her sink further into subspace.

My concern is, particularly with subs who struggle to speak in that headspace or struggle generally with voicing themselves sexually, that this requires enough effort that it actually has the opposite outcome and forces them into a more clear-headed space.

No two subs are alike, but I would love some feedback from the room on this one!

Edit for clarity: the best answer for what works with a particular person is to ask. I'm just curious on the whole at this point.