This is about the benefits of aging. I (46m) have been a very happy urban gay man, versatile in the bedroom but pretty vanilla, though always quite playful and open to new ideas.

Lately I’ve had a few guys approaching me expecting to be dominant with them and explicitly seeking me to dominate them. I’ve been knocking on the door of BDSM for a while but it’s all been pretty mild stuff. Though I have mostly been in the more sub role.

I’ve found the Dom guys I’ve played with have - to a man - been incredibly nurturing, kind and thoughtful. Some of them very vulnerable too… and one is in mental health, and has been genuinely concerned when I’m not in the mood to play: zero pressure to do anything other than be where I am happy.

By contrast, a lot of mainstream gay life (looking at Grindr) can be pretty destructive.

Being asked to Dom someone feels like quite a responsibility. I’ve connected with a very experienced Dom guy who I am asking to give me some coaching as I want the experiences I give people to be as good as the limited experiences I have had. It feels like a door has opened and I’m really looking forward to exploring the new territory that lies beyond!