I think the crux of your issues are: - You're seeking online commitment without knowing exactly what your needs are - You don't have a lot of experience yet so you don't yet know what green and red flags to look for in postings - You're still learning about your kinks and fetishes, and don't yet have the stability to bring into a more committed dynamic. That's gonna bias your returns to a lower quality of respondent online.

None of those are inherently bad, mostly it's just a function of age. Especially for kink and BDSM 18-21 is basically as novice/inexperienced as you can get. Many play events and classes require people to be 21 for admission for a lot of reasons (liability issues, venue rules re: alcohol, safety, &c).

It's also a good place to be for exploring but I'd strongly advise that you seek non-intimate & non-play friendships & mentorships starting out as opposed to a more romantic/sexual/D-S oriented connection. This will help you gain a feel for the lay of the land as far as good resources to use, how to make friends in the community, what some of these relationships and experiences are like to live with and have while managing adult responsibilities, and also what behaviors and attitudes to look out for that indicate someone is predatory and not authentically into BDSM.

That bolded one is honestly my biggest concern for young people who want to jump into kinky and BDSM oriented relationships right away. I definitely did when I was younger too; I'm glad I didn't though. I'd have loved to have had more community inroads, some play party experiences, some fun doing AV work, and mentorship. Having a fully-on D/s dynamic of any kind from 18 definitely would have hindered my ability to grow into my adult self and my kinks and fetishes fully. Starting at 23-25 might have been different, but under 21 was definitely not the right time for it.

There are some really good things you can do as a 19 year old though:

1. Get on FetLife and local Groups to your region. Find some 18 munches¹ in those groups or events and go to them. Get a feel for the local community - see if it's a good fit for you. If there's a local 35 and under TNG group start there - or start one. Make clear to everyone you're really just seeking friendships and see if your boundaries are respected or if you get hit on my people. The people who still try to date/build a relationship with you are the ones to avoid interaction with.

2. While you're on Fet find classes, workshops, and groups around your kinks and interests. Especially local in-person classes. Get a feel for how these things are done in practice. Learn about the safety steps involved, and learn how to top some of the activities you're interested in. If you know enough to safely top something you'll be able to call out dangerous and bad practice when you're eventually working up to playing with people. That will go a long way to helping you root out the posers and people who are trying to play out of their depth when you do start looking for those kinds of dynamics. Again, it'll help keep you safe, and have much more positive experiences long term.

3. Seek out online resources to learn from: Evie Lupine on Patreon and YouTube makes great educational content. So do the guys at "Watt's The Safeword" on YouTube, although they lean a little more into the entertainment and comedy side of things. Morgan Thorne (YouTube and author) is another great resource. There's also the classic books "The New Topping Book," "The New Bottoming Book," and "Enough To Make You Blush," are great starting points.

4. If you have some specific fantasies or kinks you'd like to try out and want a safe environment try seeking out a professional in your area with a few years of experience. They'll be expensive but they'll be very skilled at providing a really good introductory experience for you and really showing you the ropes as it were.

Footnotes:

1. Munch - A casual dress social event in a public space where people meet up to have conversations and discussions out-of-role and as people first. Expect it to feel a lot like an ordinary social meetup with a kinkier focus in conversation.