This will likely be my last post here but I'll still be around, checking in every now and then!

Been a while since my last post. I’ve been kind of focusing on irl and the next stages.

To clarify, my relationship didn’t work out. But it wasn’t because of my mistake. Any of them. Or her mistakes. We just figured out due to circumstances beyond our control, our relationship never actually stood a chance. When we sat down and really looked, a lot of things kept coming up from our distant past.

I’m 34, she’s 29. We’ve been together for ten years. You can do the math. Neither of us knew what we wanted out of life. We were young. Coming from very different backgrounds.

Around year 1.5, she moved 1500 miles away. She wanted a fresh start. We did long distance for a few months and I flew up for a couple weeks later that year. We decided to build a life together there. Funny thing about life; it never quite turns out the way you want it to. In most cases, anyway.
Fast Forward. A year later we decide to move back home. We miss it. And things were supposed to get easier.
My grandparents, god bless their souls, health started to decline rapidly. They raised me. They took her in and let her live here for months and wouldn’t take any form of payment till she moved away. We decided to move back in with my grandparents and help them while she fought for disability. This was the beginning of the end. This is around year 3.
The next 5 years are pure hell. She’s fighting for disability and cannot work due to this. I have to work to make ends meet. I work jobs that I shouldve left, worked long hours, was rarely home to help her. Because we needed the money. This left her to take care of my grandparents by herself. Now mind you, she’s not strong. And my grandfather was probably 250 pounds and a frequent faller. He was also stubborn as a mule. (God I miss him lol). My family, my grandparents so called children, refused to help. But they were also the first ones to tell us we aren’t doing enough.
My mom gets cancer during this time and ends up passing away. This sends my grandmother who has dementia into overdrive. This was around year 5. Over the next year, her dementia continued to get worse and so did my grandpas. We would hire a sitter to sit with them so we could go out. I won tickets to go see a show one time and that got ruined by the surviving child calling me, screaming at me on the phone about how leaving them (even with a sitter) was irresponsible and we needed to get home. We even got APS called on us once because our only car was (and I quote) never here. Yeah, because I worked. And when I wasn’t working, I was running errands for the house. Stupid. Anyway. That all came to a head when the same surviving child decided to confront my S/o one night after I left for work. She brought her husband, her MIL, her daughter, and a neighbor and screamed at my s/o telling her basically how useless and pathetic she was, accusing us of stealing money from my grandparents. Ofc I was at work and got word of this after everything was over.
Enter year 6. My grandpa falls and breaks his hip. Has surgery. Recovers. Falls. Rebreaks same hip. Contracts MRSA. Passes away. Leaving us to take care of my grandmother who is full next to end stage dementia. We have to lock the doors. Put things out of her reach. Do things you shouldn’t have to do for an adult. It was sad. She became abusive at times. Dementia is a disease I don’t wish on anyone. It turned a sweet loving grandmother into a vicious seething hateful creature at times. And we know she couldn’t help it. It was so hard. Again. No one wants to help. Can’t even get help getting her into a nursing home. Queue end of year 7. We finally get her into a nursing home.
That’s it. We were free. I had to work twice as hard though to make sure ends met since my s/o disability was denied once and she was fighting the appeal. I was never home. I worked EMS and would be gone 36-48-60-72 hours at a time. Made great money. Made sure we had food on the table and the bills were paid.
During this time, I find out she cheated (first). She kissed my then best friend (who was married) and was openly flirting with him (suggestive, sexy pics). I found out. Almost ended our relationship there. But I didn’t. I decided to breathe and decide to work on it.
Yea decided to take a break. This break lasted around 6 months and we got back together. I was free to explore my sexuality but it wasn’t the right time.
Year 8. My cheating occurs. After we got back together. It was a one-off, just like hers. Except mine didn’t continue; it was a single act, which never happened again. I was wrestling with so much. My mental health was everywhere.
Year 9. I tell her (roughly 8 months after it occurs). I couldn’t take the guilt. We start couples therapy. I find this community.
We discovered we really don’t know each other. We also discovered that we also don’t know ourselves.
Year 10 (this year). We end our relationship. The relationship had become toxic. On both ends.
We decide we’re going to take 2023 to find ourselves. To rediscover our individual selves. We’re still best friends. We still live together. Neither of those things are likely to change. But we’re also free to see other people. Experience life without worrying if the other person is going to be affected or what they think. We want to rediscover our individual selves. Become who we want to be. We became basically the same person.
Since the breakup, my mental health is on track. Hers is improving as well. I’ve been able to come out as Bisexual. (Figuring out I’m Hetero Romantic but bisexual has been exhausting to figure out and sort through). It’s the end of year 10 and ironically, we’re doing better apart than we did over the past 7 years.
Do we plan to get back together? No.
Are we saying it’s not a possibility?  Also no.
We don’t know what the future holds. We’re both keeping an open mind to the possibilities. Not looking to get back together but it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. But we’re focusing on us though. For the first time, in 7 years.
It’s time we learned who we really are.
She will probably casually date. I will probably casually date. Maybe even have a few new sexual experiences. She may as well. Who knows what the future holds. (Btw she won her disability finally so our finances are finally secure with my new Work From Home job)
The bottom line is: We both made mistakes. But our relationship never actually stood a chance. We had to place it on the back burner to take on a task that we should’ve never had to. And we ultimately paid the price for that.
But we’re happy now and figuring out a lot of things about ourselves.
I know one thing is for certain: 2023 is the year of me. (Her motto, I stole it. Sue me 😂)

Also. I want to make sure everyone is aware. This isn’t a somber post. Our story is filled with emotions. From love, to sadness, grief, anger, resentment, lust, jealousy, and unbridled happiness.

We’re both happy right now. Happier than we’ve been in years. And we plan to keep it that way.

Our friend said it best: if we find our we’re happier with other people, great. If we find out we’re happier with each towhee, great. As long as we’re both happy, healthy, and safe.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! 🎄🎄