This is about a particularl situation that happened 10 years ago. I asked for advice from this sub whether it was fair to consider this woman an AP and the situation kin to cheating and it seemed a lot here thought it at least wasn't far off.

My WP suddenly left me and our two kids(2 yrs old, and an 8 month old) 10 years ago to hookup in a brief relationship with a coworker. He started flirting with her weeks before the breakup. He started sleeping with her 3 days after he told me he was leaving. But he didn't actually move out until 2 months later. So the whole time he was still living with me he was coming and going at all hours, texting her in front of me, spending a week at a time with her every few weeks, getting hotelnrooms with her, etc. Mercifully I got him to finally move out but it felt like it was being rubbed in my face that whole time. I still had a nursing baby and a 2 year old, no family close by to help, had to scramble to find a FT job to immediately take over the bills, lost a pregnancy during this time. It was a lot of trauma. WP ended things with AP about 4 months after it started and wanted me to take him back. I wouldn't get back together with him for at least 1.5 year later. But eventually I did.

D day was 6 months ago where I discovered two earlier APs. I actually feel like I processed those situations relatively quickly. But it's opened old wounds about the time he left me 10 years ago for a coworker. I realize noe I rugswept all this time.

I've talked to him many times about this incident. Asking unbearable questions, realizing it was more of a hot and heavy relationship than I had previously thought. He thinks he mostly didn't do anything wrong, that it wasn't cheating. And truthfully it's a grey area I guess. But despite all these talks he can never bring himself to remember or say anything negative about her. I asked him what kind of experience it was, his response was "It was an experience." He doesn't volunteer to say anything negative he noticed about her personality or (yes I'm shallow) her body, or anything he didn't like about her. He says she was pursuing him for a long time, it felt good to be so desired by her, the sex was really good generally, she was extremely attractive, great body, he began to develop feelings for her, lust and infatuation, thrill, etc. It hurts to feel like I'll never compare to her and he can't find anything about her that he hated. Hes mostly mentioned that she was an attention seeker and a bit immature. He doesn't feel disgust at the thought of her. It's even incredible how much detailed memory he has of his time with her all these years later, when his memory is a black hole with almost everything else. It seems like she was basically perfect to him. The only reason he says he ended it was because they didn't have a lot in common and there was no real potential for a long term relationship.