WH here…I did mess up and I feel very lost.

Hi everyone,

Need some advice.

I’ll sum up my experience as short as I can.

Been with my wife for nearly fifteen years. I’m in my early 30s. We have been each others only sexual partners.

About three years ago, I brought up those feelings of wanted to explore sexually with other women. I never forced or pushed anything sexually and always tried my best to be respectful.

The relationship has always been great otherwise aside from a few things in the bedroom.

That wasn’t met well…and caused a lot of arguments. Did have an experience but it was a terrible one with another person and honestly it was humiliating for me how I was treated afterwards and I know it was equally as difficult for my wife.

Fast forward two years later, I brought up that conversation again. We were talking about opening up the marriage but that was a conversation that went back and forth.

I ended up meeting someone online. We had an affair for seven months. Sex started about 3-4 months in. The person knew it wasn’t long term and what my intentions were. I told my wife force months in. We continued it two months after. Of course emotions were brought in.

My wife stopped it after two months. She still allows me to be in contact with AP. We are trying to figure out an arrangement between everyone that includes boundaries.

AP and Wife have exchanged emails…in early stages.

How idiotic is this? Has anyone ever made such an arrangement?

Wife does want me to sleep with others just anyone but AP but is also entertaining the idea of it being her.

No physical contact with AP for about a month now.

Feeing very lost

Currently in MC and it’s a strange experience.

Could use others perspective.