Hello everyone!

It’s been 7 months after DDay for me. I’ll start with updates for anyone who has seen my previous post. R with my partner is going okay. She’s in IC (I can’t currently afford it or I would be there too) and everyday we are making a genuine effort to fix our relationship.

Now the reason for this post. As I tagged this is mainly a rant to let out frustration, but I welcome any advice if anyone has any.

Our anniversary is coming up in a few days and she was looking very forward to celebrating it. I told her yesterday that I actually don’t feel like celebrating it this year. She was very heartbroken because holidays means a lot to her (she has said in the past that she was suicidal and looking forward to holidays keep her alive), but she understood why I wasn’t feeling up for it and agreed we shouldn’t do it.

It’s not like I don’t want to celebrate our relationship, we have come very far since DDay and have plenty of good memories from before the affair since we have been together for almost 6 years, it’s just that when I think about our anniversary it makes me think about our entire relationship and since the affair is so recent it puts a bad taste in my mouth. She’s more sad because she thinks it means we will probably never celebrate an anniversary again, but idk if that’s true.

I for sure don’t want to celebrate now, but I can’t speak on the future. It may take a few years before I’m happy celebrating again, or that join may never come back until after R and we pick a new date.

Anyways that’s my rant. I’m not done but this post is getting very long already so I guess I’ll make a second one soon about my other issues. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this!