Subject lines says it all, I'm trying to decide if reconciliation is possible or if it should be considered given the circumstances. I've been in a lot of other subreddits and read extensively, in basically all of those situations they would suggest that I leave my WP but I want to look at both sides and think through what might be possible, I'm not in a rush to scorch the earth. Below is my story.

My (38M) 33F wife had some sort of affair about 7 months ago that I only recently discovered. We've been married for 6 years and together for 10 (no kids). We had been having problems in the relationship for awhile, if i had to approximate it, would maybe be around the start of Covid? Our issues centered around mostly her lack of interest in sex (I know this is a big RED Flag) but I felt like I was much of the problem and trying to figure out how I could fix it. She mostly thought I was too needy around sex and she had known I looked at porn a few times which she absolutely forbid. Being a male in his late 30s, most men grew up on internet porn so it is not an easy habit to kick but I have constantly sought ways to limit usage even attending SAA meetings.

At the start of last year I had started to see a counselor to try to better attune with my wife's sexual styles, we were struggling in that department so I wanted to learn how I could be better. I went to this counselor for awhile but then eventually involved my WP, she didn't seem very interested in participating and seemed annoyed TBH.

Around that same time the sex just totally went to zero, it wasn't that regular but then it just cut off and she became very distant. She had also started hanging out with a new group of work friends and seemed to want to dedicate a lot of time to fostering those relationships, I was generally supportive because she had been trying for awhile to make new friends since many of hers had moved out of town during covid. Then things got more weird.

1. One night she comes home and tells me she made out with a guy but that it was a long time ago and that I didn't know him.
2. Then a few days later she sort of breaks down and tells me she isn't sure if she ever actually loved me and I get the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech.
3. Then a week or so later she demands that she needs space that she feels like she is suffocated by me and wants time to herself to sort things out, even proposing maybe she should move out and we can "date again".

Needless to say my mind is reeling I don't know what to think, I should have seen the HUGE red flags but I am an idiot.

We take the "space" for a few weeks, I come back after a long trip backpacking with my younger brother and things seem to have somewhat stabilized, she isn't as unstable and angry as before I left but the affection is still absent.

I suggest we do therapy which she agrees to but the sessions don't really go anywhere and she seems pretty checked out of them anyway, admittedly the therapist wasn't all that good.

Fast forward a few months and I am reading some forums on reddit and everything clicks into place and I now realize my wife who I thought would NEVER fully cheat was indeed cheating. Long story short I approached her and she finally admitted to having messed around with the guy one night but became infatuated with him but then she eventually snapped out of it and that it didn't go any further then messing around on one occasion, no sex or so she claims. So when she admitted to it months ago it was a partial truth and lies. I did see her text messages with this guy and while they were flirty, nothing like sexting. Another weird thing is that she brought this guy around a few times including to a BBQ party at our house.

Now that I know all of this I left the house and have been staying with my parents to try to sort all through this. She is sorry and now wants to make it work, sending links to marriage workshops and saying things can be better now that this is all in the open. I'm kind of like, WTF...you've been doing all of this behind my back and making me feel insane and now suddenly you want to work on things, where have you been for the past 2 years??? I do love her but I'm just starting to feel like this is a lost cause at this point.

I am not someone to just quit on things and so would like to understand what if any is the path here or does this just seem F'd up beyond repair.