Hey guys, I just want to share what I think works for me (F37) and my WS (M40) in on reconciliation process. Maybe someone here will find it useful. So we've established the "Acts Of Care" chat.

He's trying to rebuild my trust via showing me care and affection every day (that was one of the recommendations we found in one of the books on surviving infidelity). These acts of care may be different - I prefer quality time and some small signs of care like helping me to take off my coat, making me a cup of coffee, paying a compliment, asking how I feel today etc. It's difficult for me to notice such signs as I'm heartbroken and feel very sad often. And he just feels that his efforts are fruitless because I don't pay attention and don't appreciate whatever he does. So I started to keep track of his acts of care. Every time he makes something that would make me feel a bit better I will send him a message in a dedicated chat (we only use this chat for 'acts of care' tracking).

The positive side effect of that approach: 1) I really started to notice and appreciate his care, instead of feeling unloved and betrayed all the time; 2) My husband feels encouraged and rewarded for his efforts, which helps him to keep showing his affection even if become sad or angry quite often; 3) we both discovered so much more about our "love languages"; for example, in all 15 years together he had no idea that things like making me a cup of coffee could really make me feel loved, me neither by the way

Please share what works for you