I can't handle the stress that builds up from trying not to huff and puff because I feel paranoid. I feel paranoid because of this and that I immediately try to hold accountability. Holding accountable of my thoughts shows me that I'm inherently a pessimist because I respond with negatives thoughts. It's like there is a monkey in my head that directs me to negative thoughts and I entertain it. Why do I entertain it. It's because it's a habit. When someone messes with me I mess with them back by stroking their ego. I entertain their point of view. See how much of a prick this guy is. When I'm experiencing this monkey in my head, i basically see myself as a threat. As a bad thing. So out of habit I entertain. Noticing this i stop. But there is additional stress from trying to not go down the rabbit hole. Why cant I just be a dumbfounded mindless goldfish for the rest of my days.