I think the problem is that a lot of these dudes take to open relationships the way they've taken to many facets of married life: get the wifey to do all the work. The dudes don't research, they don't read up on it, they don't educate themselves, they just assume that their real life experience is gonna match their fantasy experience and go for it. Same as they probably do with a lot of things, things that their wife is there to "fix".

The dude thinks he's an amazing host at house parties, but wife is doing all the cooking & cleaning, he's just schmoozing. He thinks a great gift giver...but the wife is picking out all the presents. He's a great dad cuz he was the fun parent. He thinks he's great in bed cause his wife got tired of asking for what she wanted and watching him ignore it and decided to just do what he wants and say he's great so he isn't a pouty baby and gets herself off later. He thinks he looks/smells pretty good because his wife dresses him and doesn't say anything about the weight gain, the nose hairs, the shitty grooming, because she still loves him or at least tis resigned up him and the last time she mentioned maybe he could brush his teeth more, he had a fucking meltdown, so it's not worth it to mention.

And then he goes out into the world without his wife to cover for him, and he gets smacked with the realize that he is a shitty lover, a boring conversationist, he doesn't know how to connect, he's just a fucking boring lump who mistook his wife's love for his own excellence.

Meanwhile, for the first time in years, his capable, amazing, organized wife who still looks good cuz he sure as shit doesn't hesitate to let her know when her looks aren't up to his standards is finally treated with affection and kindness and appreciation for the first time in years, maybe decades. And no way in hell is she going back to just him. She's probably gonna divorce him too now that she knows there are people out there who will see everything she has to offer and appreciate it all.

And he will remain willfully ignorant to the situation because that's better than coming to terms with how little he has to offer anybody and taking the (hard, energy-consuming, ego-humbling) steps to fix that.

It's almost like I watched a bunch of my friends' marriages break up following an eeriely familiar format...