Intro

Alright let me preface this. It’s going to be lengthy, I mean really. I’ve written personals posts in the past but I realize now they weren’t descriptive enough. 

Some people might be able to get away with a 3 sentence post, but I’ve come to believe that what I’m looking for and who I am requires more specificity and focus. So I’m going to try to cover it all, in an effort to weed out those who might reply who simply wouldn’t be compatible. 

I expect the mere length of this post might filter out some of the people I’d like to avoid. This post is going to discuss a lot of kink. But at the end of the day, I can look past a lot of kink incompatibilities if you’re literate, fun, and know how to communicate. If you make it to the end, I know you’re serious.

Who am I?

It seems like a reasonable place to start. You can call me Nick. I’m a 29 year old bi(curious?) switch guy living in the Southwestern US. Nice to meet you. I have great hobbies, career, family and friends. I’m traditionally good looking (I’m told) and relatively fit. From the outside, I appear totally normal, and sure of what I want (and how to get it). Internally, it’s a little more complicated. 

Throughout my life I’ve been trying to understand myself and exactly what I need in a relationship to be happy. I’ll be honest I’m still not 100% sure, but I’ve learned a lot. And I’ll share what I know so far 😄

Kinky Interests / Dispositions & Orientation

(I’m starting here because it’s what this subreddit is about, but candidly it’s not the most important section here)

I often wish that I was a simpler person and didn’t find myself ambiguous in so many areas.

If I thought I was 100% Dominant, my life would be easier.

If I thought I was 100% Submissive, my life would be easier.

If I thought I was 100% straight, my life would be easier.

If I thought I was 100% gay, my life would be easier.

Unfortunately I don’t think any of those things are true of me.

As for power exchange, if I had to characterize myself based on my experience so far, I would say that I am a switch. I can be dominant and enjoy it. I can be submissive and enjoy it. But it’s a little more complicated than that, and gender plays a role. 

With a female partner, I think I could get along (long term) very well with someone who is almost anywhere on the spectrum from extremely submissive to extremely dominant. My ideal female partner would be perhaps a 70/30 Dom/sub switch.

With a male partner, I’d have no interest whatsoever in being dominant. I don’t exactly know why this is, but I suspect that the very thing is enticing to me about male partner is the idea that he could dominate me.

If you wanted to boil this down to one statement, I’d say that I’m VERY into power exchange dynamics and am open minded about how I can be involved in them. Having said that, in any particular “session”, I think it’s best when the separation of power is quite clear and extreme.

I often think that the terms “bi” or “switch” get interpreted as meaning that someone must have it all. I want to clarify that, while I do think these labels fit me, I’m not saying that I need it all to be happy in a long term relationship. I’m saying that I could be happy in a long term relationship with any one of a variety of different types of partners. 

Personality

In everyday life, I’m a pretty “normal”, successful, well-adjusted adult. As I alluded to in my intro, no one would ever look at me and think “bi” or “freaky”.

In my career, I am quite ambitious and really want to meet my goals. I’m almost never satisfied. 

In my personal relationships, I love engaging with people who are thoughtful, open minded, and able to express themselves. 

I love comedy, especially dark comedy. I’m not sure any topic should be off limits for comics.

I’m extremely open minded and philosophical. I am usually down to do or try anything in life. I love ideas and deep thought. I’m an INTP-A, according to the Myers Briggs test.

It’s very important to me to “live life to the fullest”. We each only get one life. As a result, some of my hobbies reflect that attitude and might be considered “risk seeking. Think skydiving for example.

Values

In connecting with someone, I think it’s fair to say that the most important thing is values. Everything else can often be figured out, but values are set pretty deep. Values are also something, in my opinion, which we always strive for even if we never meet them. Here are some of mine:

Health

I think that we only have one body in this life and it’s worth taking care of.

At the very least, I think we should move regularly and eat purposefully.

This is one I struggle with a bit but it is a value for me. 

Spiritualism

This for me just means being in touch with what matters. It means making sure there isn’t anything eating you up inside and being at peace with who you are. I guess this could be substituted for “mental health”.

Open mindedness

This harkens back to my political section a little. I just really love when someone is able to stay separated from the dogma of everything and makes a real effort to see multiple sides of issues. 

Ambition

I think we should live this life with purpose and not be asleep at the wheel. This doesn’t mean relaxing is bad at all. It just means that we should have goals in mind and be working to achieve them.

Politically

It literally causes me pain to include this, but I think it’s worth mentioning. 

I will literally talk cordially with anyone. I just enjoy trying to understand people and perhaps being able to help them understand something new too.

I don’t ally myself with any political party because I think they all have their own topics they tend to be batshit crazy about. Excuse my French.

If you have specific party-affiliated feelings and want to discuss, I’m super open to it. I generally lean towards individual liberties and small government. Something like “Let the gays marry and buy guns to protect themselves”. 

What I’m looking for

So I’ve come to this subreddit looking for a best friend and partner. Most importantly I’m looking for someone I can be 100% open and my genuine self with. That’s why I’m leaving nothing important out of this post. You vibing with and understanding everything above this paragraph is much more important than anything below it.

Role and Gender

The role you take on is less important but here would be the most ideal. These ARE in order of my preference:

1. A switch woman
2. A very dominant woman
3. A very submissive woman
4. A dominant man

#2 and #3 are really interchangeable..

Dynamic Type

My favorite dynamic type label is probably “Master/Slave”. 

I know it sounds bad, I do. I don’t think anyone should ever be a real slave. However, the thought that someone would take the role of being a consensual sexual slave is very hot to me. 

I like the strictness this label conveys. It suggests that the submissive would defer almost entirely to the Dominant in the bedroom, following rules, commands, etc.

This dynamic does NOT have to apply outside of sexual contexts, but it could depending on preferences.

Kinks

Did I say I was open minded? As long as something isn’t overly risky or nonconsensual, I’ll probably be willing to try it. Here are some specific points, in no particular order. I’ll expand on the ones that I have particular thoughts about and keep it shorter on others.

Bondage

I love giving OR receiving bondage. The idea that someone is totally restrained and can’t help what’s happening is the ultimate power differential. I know that sounds psycho but I love it, so long as there is underlying consent.

Pain/sadism/masochism

Whether I’m Dom or Sub, I think some pain involved in play can be fun. But I don’t think I’d go so far as calling myself a sadist or a masochist. I think of it as more of a tool.

As a Dom, I think it’s extremely hot to use as a punishment/discipline in the course of training a sub to be more pliable/obedient.

As a sub, I really haven’t experienced it much so I can’t say for sure how I’d feel receiving it. I suspect it would work the same way in reverse.

If a sub is truly being obedient, then pain wouldn’t really be involved.. unless that sub really likes pain. I know that exists too.

Denial and Chastity

This one is honestly pretty big for me. The idea of giving your pleasure completely over to someone else is a big part of the power exchange I’d like. And I think being denied can be very motivating for the submissive. 

As a Dom, I would love if my sub would give me complete control. She would be required to get explicit permission cum, or it would have to be by my hand.

As a sub, largely the same thing. And I find male chastity to be an interesting prospect.

Free Use

It’s a yes for me, as I other Dom or sub!

Oral

Yes! All different kinds. As a Dom, I LOVE oral. Deepthroating, facefucking, rough.

Anal

Generally, yes! It’s not a requirement for me to either give or receive it, but I’m certainly open minded about it.

As a Dom, at least being able to use anal toys is close to a requirement..

Limits

Age Play

This one just doesn’t really do anything for me. Especially when people are role playing as ages below 18. It just feels like you want to do something illegal but don’t want to break the law. Idk, I’m not really about it. I’m perfectly happy with legal ages.

Pet Play

Same reasoning as above. I want to have sex with humans, not pets.

Feminization 

As a sub, I have little to no interest in being feminized. I am a man and want to feel like one even if I’m submitting to someone’s dominance. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, I’m not sure why I wrote this like an essay. I wanted to cover all my bases. If you align with my interests and think we would get along, please reach out via chat!!