My Circumstances:Â
-I live under my father’s roof for a little while longer
-I lost a decade of life to a nearly comatose at times mental illness.
-I am in school doing math/psych double as an associates. I finish this year
-I am going to try hard to transition to independence: working in a hospital and as a tutor.
My past:
-Joan of Arc vibes(wanting to make a constructed language, cure my mental illness, found a city, psychitecture)
-intellecutally boundless and wondering curiosity but a gathering dust tsundoku.
-insanity alternating with something comatose called catatonia but all under lonely powerlessness.
Goals:
-work hard and help the world
-find someone to have kids with or live a steely dedicated life of service like a solider where the softness of love is actually dangerous to the soul(really my interests align well with raising kids)
-manage to turn my psychotic past goals into managable goals both for service to humanity and some pride in myself
Who you are:
I used to want a bro in the journey. I even for years settled for coziness and clinging to softness like my life was too dark without those smileyfaces. I’m better now since I see a financially independent future. I’m not sure who I want. Please make your case.
Love:
I want comfort. I want stability. I want passion I guess too. I want to be validated and given sensibility for my dreams.
An silly aside: oh my shining knight give me the courage to follow you to the light. Where I can speak and think freely. Where silence blossoms like a cabbage rose.
Eloquent and beautiful old me…she would have gotten her validation. Current me is at the beginning of a long road.
I'll be up late studying. HMU
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