I have no first cousins. My dad is an only child as my dad's mother died young. My mum's four siblings were murdered as children in the Bangladesh Liberation War.

I know I have many second and third cousins, but I've never met them (perhaps only spoken briefly to an uncle on the phone years ago). I (and my parents) don't even know how many second cousins I have. I've only seen a picture of one of them as a baby years ago. My parents left for the UK before any of their cousins had children (I believe they are the eldest to survive), and they never got to go back. We've been intentionally estranged from my parents' cousins, uncles and aunts for personal reasons
^{(they became greedy).}

Whenever cousins were mentioned at school, I felt like I was the odd one out for not having a cousin. And when I was even younger, I didn't even know what a cousin was and sometimes called random kids my "cousin", usually my parent's friends' children I only met once or twice.

Before my dad passed away, I didn't feel like I was missing out while I was growing up because I have four siblings (we're now distant). But nowadays when I hear others talk and reminisce about their cousins, uncles and aunts (my mum for example), I get jealous. I'm never going to experience that, nor know what it feels like to have a second home (I don't think I'll ever get married). Even though due to illness and work, my parents couldn't take us on holiday to Bangladesh, I do resent a little bit that they didn't at least once. I remember my parents say they're planning to visit. I would've had an amazing memory of visiting my huge ancestral homes and land with my dad which are now no longer there, and I would be confident now to visit by myself.

Cousins, chacha/chacchi, mama/mami, etc seem like a big part of a South Asian's family life. I know some of you would wish you didn't have cousins, uncles and aunts because they're busybodies or so forth, but at least most of you have the choice to control how much contact you have with them. Some people, like myself, don't have that choice.*

Am I the only one here without cousins?

*No advice please. I'm not interested in getting to know second cousins I didn't grow up knowing - it's just not the same.They are strangers to me, and there's probably no way of contacting them and confirming their identity. It's probably for the best. A friend of a third cousin did coincidentally message me here on Reddit, but my parents had to disown that side of the family decades ago due to infamy.