Hiii, I am an ABCD who wants to pursue her passions. Hope this makes sense. This has been on my mind since my last therapy session and I think the catharsis of releasing it is what I need.

Like many ABCD I too relate to the trauma (not to be dramatic, but it is traumatic to the soul, the spirit that seeks passion) of having to have a “brown-approved” job. By all calculations my parents were really chill and they spoiled my siblings and I,they came from much less and worked hard and did well in their studies and were able to come to the US on full ride scholarships, and later go on to do well in their field. I grew up like most second gen suburban immigrants - we ate roti sometimes and our parents put us in swimming lessons. I know it gets hate but I relate to the upbringing of the kids in Mindy’s productions.

I’ve always loved two things: people and writing. I am fascinated by people. Especially the impact of our early childhood experiences on the adults we become. I believe we are all just grown up kids and we can foster a lot more interpersonal understanding and empathy. I also love writing and was naturally gifted to some degree (I scored perfect in verbal reasoning on two separate entrance exams I was forced to take lol). I was pushed towards math and science, because psychology and the arts were thought of as soft. I went the brown approved way because I was a people pleaser and always wanted to be the good girl. I loved getting that praise and I felt so grateful to my parents because the costs of university were never anything we had to consider. My parents always made it clear education was paramount and they would support us.

As I’ve gone through therapy and taking time off and spending time getting to know myself (I recognize there’s a degree of privilege in being able to do that) I find myself mourning for the child in me who didn’t get to pursue those things. I’m now in a position where I’m considered “successful” for brown standards, and socioeconomically in general . I am facing some dissonance because I feel guilty on one hand for having these feelings when they’ve served me well. I’ve been able to have such a great life and psych/writing route would not have had me here as fast. And I want to tell people to follow their hearts but also… there’s no way I would have been able to travel as much so young and live my literal downtown in a big city dream at such a young age. I’m also confused as to what to do now. The money is good, and it opens up doors but I also sincerely love learning about people and I want to use my knowledge to help people. I feel I would have a great deal of fulfillment from being a therapist, but I would need to get a Masters and PhD and likely couldn’t work my corporate gig if that was the case.

All advice welcome.