My psychologist told me last week that we're done with trying SSRIs. Since January I've been on Zoloft, Lexipro, and Prozac.

Every 2 weeks I fill out a psychological health questionnaire re:depression and anxiety, talk to her about positive effects and/or side effects, and go over an a reading/CBT assignment. The questionnaire gives a general number to my depressive and anxious feelings, the higher the number the worse it is. Seems impersonal, but the numbers are actually a decent way to chart my progress/regression (along with my subjective feedback during the session ofc).

Each new med and dose came with massive dizziness, stomach aches, and heartburn which all went away after the first couple weeks. The long-term side effects were not too bad on Zoloft (40mg), but my mental health numbers didn't stay positive. Same with Lexapro (20mg). Prozac (40mg) didn't keep my numbers down AND I've had such terrible overheating and sweating for the last month, it's interfering with my job as I am physically close with clients, it's interfering with my sleep, exercise, basic functioning... I'm just hot, sweaty, fatigued, and miserable on top of my mental health issues. All the while I've had insomnia since before I started meds. Melatonin worked for a couple months, then I think I got a tolerance bc it stopped working. Rather than taking ever-increasing amounts of Melatonin, they prescribed Trazadone (50mg). It rarely worked, and whether it did or not I would sleep through multiple alarms and be late for work.

Now we're going a different route: SNRIs, and a different sleep med. My insurance requires me to meet with another doctor (a psychiatrist I think) before the switch, and I have an appointment for next week. The psychologist suggests Effexor for depression/anxiety, and Temazepam at night for sleep (also treats depression).

SNRIs are a new beast to contend with. They're stronger and more fast-acting. This is a double-edged sword. I've been told that the possible side effects are more neurological (like memory loss, brain zaps, etc) and that I MUST take them at the exact same time every day to avoid worsening side effects due to the short half-life. I'm afraid, to be honest. But I'm more afraid of living life as I have been. I was diagnosed at 15 years old, refused medication for another 15 years. I am now 31 years old and about to start my 4th depression/anxiety medication.

This is all to say - if you have been on a variety of SSRIs and are still struggling, you're not alone. I don't know if Effexor or any SNRI is the answer for me, but damned if I'm not going to try. I feel completely alone 99% of the time. All of us on these subs are going through it together in a way, though. Sometimes I read things on Reddit and feel a little less alone, and I hope this does the same for someone.

I'll update in the future.