I was between labeling this as a vent or irl story. A bit of both perhaps. I’ve been in three relationships with people who fit the bill, my last ex being the greatest most amazing lover including her quirks and outright craziness. She was somehow the least scary but most intense yandere I had ever met.

I guess it was her pacifism I found comforting, she would occasionally go off the rails and threaten to (in her words) “smack a bitch in the face” for me. Threatened to fight my abusive mom but hey I get it we both had mommy issues. Almost branded me with a knife and also tried to get me tattoo’d. Drank my blood. Stalked me. Found my home address very early on. Also I call her a pacifist but ask her to smack you, choke you, or hurt me in good ways and she never hesitated. God she loved me. Loved me loved me. Already planned our entire life together randomly cried when she had a dream of our fictional children moving away from us. On the fourth date she wrote me a love poem about committing murder suicide if I ever tried to run away in which she’d be having sex with me while she smothered me to death sucking the last breath I take with a kiss before poisoning herself romeo and juliet style. She loved the classics. I loved that girl my god.

We’re apart now. For good. We’re both a little mentally unstable, literal maniacs lmao (constant manic episodes, splitting, it was hard to be around normal people for us). And heavily neurodivergent. What made us so close for three years is inevitably what drove us apart permanently. But god I miss it. For a year now I was missing her endlessly even though I can’t stand being with her anymore. She could be cruel sometimes. Yes crueler than threatening my life. And I grew resentful of her where I became just as cruel. Punishing each other for months straight kills the romance guys. I really hate talking here because everyone always floods my dms asking for my exes contact info like you bums deserve her. Like she would just love anyone who looked her?? Fuck you guys.

Anyway- I miss it. I miss being stalked. I miss being owned. I miss having no shame getting to be my honest unstable self around someone who never judged me and loved me every time I’d lose my mind. We’d exchange love letters about doing disgusting nasty things to each other when we were apart and were never shy to make those words a reality. I hate the word yandere because it fetishizes people who are deeply disturbed and need proper mental care instead of horny enablers, but I need someone to own me again. Who peers into the crazy unstable chaos of my brain and loves me for it.