Planned on writing this whole thing out roleplaying as someone mad but how could I be this shit is so funny lmao. 9 shots in of straight unchased whiskey after a final exam btw. Just sobered up enough to realize I completely missed an important deadline but oh well.

What a fool I was. To let myself be blindsided by the advances of a common wench when I should have been dedicating my blood, sweat, and cum to focusing on becoming a penniless struggling alcoholic unpublished writer. To think the prospects of conquering the steaming clam cradled betweenst the finest roast beef known to mankind distracted me from what truly matters.

I was about to submit the first finished copy of the first chapter of my second draft of my debut novel into a competition hosted by one of my favorite small time writers and I blew it cuz some hot chick was all over me telling me how pretty I am and went all sugar momma on me paying for all our dates. Until she got exactly what she wanted. Me with my legs spread waiting to be defiled once again. Is this all I am to society. Is my value nothing without the flimsy sausage stapled to my crotch :(

To think I could have had a C-list author reviewing my work while instead I fixated on canoodling with the enemy. I should already be ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be tainted, deflowered ages ago while my brothers and sisters in arms continue to rot in the stench of their parents basements. Asses unwashed. Never knowing what it is like to wear underwear without stains. To feel the warm embrace of human touch. Oh how I aspire to be what I have already long abandoned due to my disgusting bodily needs. That I would allow myself to be distracted by my quote on quote “lover” who “actually cares about my mental health and well-being” to take my eyes off my eternal goal. Getting my work published after losing thousands if not a fucking fortune listening to writing gurus, who have never sold more than 12 copies of their own work, on how to change the world with my masterpiece gay vampire lizardman moth man throuple murder mystery fan fic.

I hope one day my sins can be forgiven and the gods of this subreddit can look past my despicable past.