tldr: venting because my previous mgr was lazy and didn’t provide my accomplishments or advocate for my promo. New mgr has made it apparent I probably wasn’t promo’d because he was lazy and probably a misogynist. Partner tried to be supportive but I don’t feel like he gets it. Overall frustrated and angry but feel seen and supported by my new mgr.

Last cycle my mgr said he was going to put me up for promo. He asked me over slack to answer a few questions for him r/ t the promo. I gave him as many details as possible. I sent him a pdf of my certificate for a leadership program I completed. I listed out my dev lead and client-facing roles on my most recent project (almost two year tenure), that was to date, one of the largest clients (300 person team) we have ever had. It was an extremely technically difficult and fast paced project. All of my project reviews were excellent. I clearly excelled. My utilization was through the roof and even with that I completed the multi-month leadership program, passed multiple certifications and participated in a mentorship program. I also received an all region award for the work my team did on a previous project and I told that to him as well. Past project data was similar. I’m a consistent high performer and I’m booked quickly on projects (good reputation/high desirability) when I roll off.

Just before the promos were announced my mgr went out unexpectedly on a medical leave. I met with my skip level who was acting as his interim who went over why I didn’t get a promo. He basically said I didn’t have any leadership experience on my teams, I didn’t demonstrate how I had excelled, had no corporate contribution, etc.

I was disappointed but I expected it. My mgr was always so lukewarm and despite asking multiple times if there was more I needed to do for promo, if there were areas I was missing, etc. he never gave me anything specific or actionable and gave me generic statements like: “just keep doing what you’re doing.” I never felt like he was invested in me.

I spoke somewhat frankly with the skip level about this as a missed opportunity, as several of the things he pointed out as something I didn’t have I actually did but it was clearly not communicated as part of my promo info. In general I felt that there was a lack of clarity for promo metrics and he agreed.

Shortly after that I was shuffled to a different mgr and I met with her yesterday in a 1:1. We have chatted before but this was our first 1:1 where we were discussing our 1st quarter check in/gathering that data. She saw on one of the documents that I had won that all region award so she asked about it. I explained what it was and she immediately asked if that was included in my promo write up. I told her I didn’t know as it hadn’t ever been shared or discussed with me. We went over several other accomplishments of mine and she was genuinely shocked I didn’t get promoted.

She said we would work together and make a really strong case for it. She specifically called out that women are not getting promoted. I’ve worked here four years and we’ve had exactly two get promoted. For the first 2.5 years none were promoted and we didn’t get a second woman promoted till this cycle. I was holding back tears.

It is frustrating and demoralizing to think that I wasn’t promoted because there was some impossible bar I wasn’t meeting. But knowing I was meeting (exceeding!) it and I couldn’t move forward because my previous mgr didn’t care and was probably a misogynist is another level. Im grateful and relieved she wants to advocate for me but it really shines a light on how badly I was let down. I want to be optimistic that I have a shot but after being passed over a few times now I feel pretty hopeless too. It’s validating to hear someone acknowledge that I’m doing a great job and feel supported, but so tiring the lengths I have to go to when others (dudes!) don’t.

This cycle a guy was promo’d and obviously excited but he said something along the lines of: “I’m not even sure how I got it, I didn’t have (specific things others had more of)!” It took a lot to not respond to that when I’m busting my ass and get nowhere.

I talked to my partner about it a little and he understood to a point but then complained about his process and how he won’t do it because it’s too much work for him to do a write up for himself. He’s senior level, could easily be principal or mgmt if he wanted. And that’s fine if he’s happy with his career the way it is, great in fact. But the difference is he’s making that choice for himself, he did not have a ceiling put on his career by someone else because of his gender. Also, I’m an associate in a high COL area and financially I really need this promo and the raise that goes with it. I’m barely surviving. He’s very comfortable financially.