How many times have you been up late and had “that itch” and wanted to find someone to play with? It happens. So you set up a throwaway account and put up a few posts. You get all excited when you see that you have some notifications, so you quickly tap on a few things to only find out that the automods removed your post because your account is new. Damn.

So you read the rules and find out that your account needs to be at least X days old before you can post. Fine…I’ll post on day 31. I can wait.

On Day 31, you find out that you don’t have enough karma. Crap. Now what? The subs that you joined are filled with thirsty degenerates and OF models. You try commenting to see if you can generate some karma, but the OF models just want you to go to their page and the thirsty people don’t care that you think their butt is cute.

Sigh. I just want to go down on a clean, nicely shaven gal. I want her to grip the sheets and practically tear them to strips. Do I expect reciprocation? No. I take great pride in knowing that I did a fabulous job and the you’re laying there in a puddle unable to speak coherently.

I’m asking you to help me bring orgasms to willing participants and increase sales in bedsheets (because they will be in no condition to keep afterwards) by upvoting my post. Knowing the nature of Reddit, however, this is going to get downvoting to the Seventh Gate of Hades.