so im about to tern 18 and she was a month away from turning 17 my fiancé of 2 years died in a car crash i was driving when we hydroplaned hitting a telephone poll and i remember watching her go out the window and being forced to stare at her for a hour and 40 minuets before being cut out and air lifted to the hospital its now been 6 months and still every time i close my eyes all i can see is her laying there and a voice saying this is your fault you killed her and frankly im ready to give up i figure ill wait till i save a life so ill be square with the universe or what ever learn how to play her favorite so i can play it for her after the fact and wait till i can walk again cuz if there is a afterlife i dont want to be a cripple in it and when those 3 things are done then it will be time to hopefully see her again