To start I am not that old 🤪. But was even younger when I experienced the loss of my spouse. I am not going to go into great detail because it's not needed. I meet my wife while attending the police academy. Let's just say even though I hold a Masters in Science she was the brains and I was the brawn. We started dating just before graduation from the academy. Knowing we were going to work for the same department we made sure to be put on different shifts. We soon got married and she told me within 6 months of being married she was the happiest woman alive. Not just because she was married to her best friend but because she was pregnant. I had to pick myself up off the floor. We talked about the policies at work and she told me she wanted to keep things quite till it was not possible. I agreed things went well three months in and she was still able to handle everything. It was just about the second week of the 5th month she was on shift and my day off so I had made dinner like I did when she was working and I was off. It soon became time for her to be home and there was nothing I never worried about her because I knew she could handle herself. A half hour after she was to be home there was a knock on the door it was the Captain her shift Sergeant and my Sergeant. They told me I needed to come with them that there had been an incident. So I took the food off the stove and locked the door and got in the car. They talked to me just like they normally did so I figured it was just something minor not having any idea what I was in for. We pulled up to the hospital and got out of the car and walked in to a sea of law enforcement uniforms it was then thing were not good. They told me that my wife had been shot and the doctors were working in her. After what seemed to be days in my memory a doctor came out took me into a room and tolls me that they had done everything possible. She had been shot in the back of the neck and the bullet had nicked the spine she was on life support but the prognosis of recovery was not good they asked me if she had a living will I've advanced directive. I said no we had been making plans to do it but then the pregnancy came up. We had spent hours talking about it and I knew what her wishes were. So I told the doctor if there is the slights chance the baby could be born in good health then I wanted to continue life support till the baby could be born he told me that unfortunately she had stopped breathing several times and the baby had no sings if life. I told them my wife would not want to lay in bed being alive but not really alive so I made the hardest decision of my life to end life support. After singing all the paperwork they removed the life support and she slipped away from this life. I was allowed to take leave if absents and was given the name of the counselor at the department. Even after seeing the counselor I still felt more lost than ever. I was never alone a work friend and his wife took time out of their day to check on me. It's only with the support I received that I am still on the earth myself. I value life so much more since that day and will tell you don't give up find a support group, councilor, friends, pastor, or family members to help you there is no shame in feeling lost and broken. I don't know any of you but if it helps just one of you to have briefly relived this event in my life then it was worth the moments of pain.