Just a rant along the long slog of trying to create a life for myself after the death of my long time partner. It's been 10 months since she died. I've moved to a different city & state in an effort to write a new chapter of my life. I don't have family other than my three grown sons... and I totally suck at connecting with people socially (even though I function adequately in a business / professional context for my remote job).

I'll be leaving tomorrow on a 400 mile drive to visit two of my sons, who I reallly don't want to burden with my problems - they have plenty of their own I'm sure.

Just feeling utterly, completely lost. Seemingly folks only engage with me if I pay them (e.g., a therapist or the personal trainer I work with at the Y). I'm really crushed by the duality & inherent risk of my circumstances - simultaneously being incredibly lonely and thus incredibly vulnerable. I don't have a sterling track record when confronted by the latter.