It's been five months and five days since I lost her. I haven't been posting a lot lately and thought I would come update you all as to how I am doing.

I still have massive grief waves from time to time but I handle them a lot better than I used to. I don't feel like the pain will ever go away but perhaps I have gotten stronger and am more able to bare it now.

What has helped me the most is keeping my mind very busy, one thing she wanted me to do was learn Spanish before we had kids and even though that's not something that can happen now I decided I would put all the effort I can into learning to honor her and the promise I made to her.

I started taking classes December 7th and have improved greatly since, every time I look at her picture I feel like she is proud of me.

Staying idle is the worst for me, whenever I am not busy with something is when my mind regresses into depression.

I visit her grave fairly often and the place that I proposed to her, thankfully very few people go there so I get to be alone with her and I can let out my emotions, I don't like to cry around people.

I go to therapy every Wednesday and that helps too, even if it's just for someone to talk to about my week.

I occasionally go on dates but just to ease the loneliness, I have no desire for anything serious and I don't think I ever will. Yesterday was an emotional day for me, as I'm sure it was for everyone here.

My thoughts here aren't very well organized but I wanted to check in with you all and let you know I am still here and that I hope you all are too.