I just want to be able to have a conversation with someone that understands what the fuck I'm going through. It's been 6m since she passed and it's not getting any easier. Idk know if I'm in my own head but every time I talk to some people in my family. It seems like they want me to be further along in my so-called healing. It really upsets me how much they're trying to push me to be where they think I need to be. I've always hated the question. How are you? Now I can't fucking stand it. Like how the fuck do u think I'm doing. I just lost my wife of 20y Im peachy let's go hang out. No mf I'm not doing ok but as so I say I'm not ok they want to start telling me I can be down on myself and think positive. I'm so but I don't think there's anything positive about it. I just want to be able to talk to someone who understands and has been in my shoes. I thought I understood grief cause I've had family members and friends pass but having a spouse die. This shit right here just hits differently it may just be me and my feelings but losing someone u have spent your life with for the past two decades it's just not the same. Im just not understanding even when u tell people u aren't in the mood to hear it they still want to talk. my wife was my person, she was the only one that could take me from 1mill to 0. Now I don't have that and I'm scared I'm going to hurt a lot of people's feelings and not give a fuck in the process. I've tried talking to a counselor but that's not working out for me. I just do see the light at the end of the tunnel.