41yo here. I lost my wife of 16 years a couple of weeks ago during a routine surgery. Other than the initial kick in the gut and couple of hours I spent next to her saying goodbye, I haven't really "broken down" like friends/family keep expecting. We have 3 kids; 14, 7, and 4, so I've been focussing on keeping their lives as routine as possible and helping them come to terms with their mom being gone.

That said, as is probably pretty normal, I'm just kind of existing. My anchor is gone. She was my best friend (we've known each other for almost 30 years), and the thousand times a day when I would connect with her are now just vacant. So many people keep expressing sympathy and support that's it become overwhelming. My MIL is currently staying with us until after Thanksgiving to help out, but when she leaves, it's just going to be the 4 of us 600 miles from any family. And, I'll have to go back to work at some point, which I'm not even sure how to address the child care aspect of that yet.

It's all so new, and there is so much still to do just to wrap up all the frayed threads she left, but helping the children and helping the family and helping the friends has left me unsure how to help myself. I keep repeating "put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others put on theirs" (I'm in the airline industry), but I'm just not really built that way.

Was googling "widower friends" and came across this subreddit, so figured I'd introduce myself and see where it leads. Reading some of the other posts here, at least I know there are others that have dealt/ are dealing with the same thing.