I felt like she was talking to me, her words reverberating through my heart.

She told me what I needed to do and focus on. That she would be watching me and protecting me. To follow my passions and inclinations. Live my life with purpose and meaning. Dedicate it to what I love and do that with relentless energy.

Part of me wonders if I was crazy but I can't just chalk it up to that. It was such a powerful moment, and I've been trying to focus on my writing and reading more since then. I still don't feel like I have the capacity I used to have to get things done but I'm trying everyday to do more. I feel like if I don't life my life with purpose and dedicate it to something in the honor of what we had and how much she loved me that I might as well just die. It's my mission to succeed at my passions and I feel like it's life or death.

Have you ever had an experience like this? Today is two months for me without her. Some days I find the courage to try and live for her and some days I feel like I'm at a pity party for one with only my dogs to keep me going. I've been lucky to have a couple good friends who check in on me as well.