Not a minute since her(29) passing have I (34) not thought of her. Not a minute have I allowed myself to truly rest. Not a minute goes by that I wish I could hear her voice again. I seen a post where someone said that sometimes someone knows subconsciously that their time may be up. It's weird because for the few weeks leading up to the incident we fought. Nothing I did was right. But that night as she was leaving we talked under the carport about how important we were to each other and kissed each other like we did when we were younger. The culmination of almost 11 years of love was in that kiss. It was like a ray of sunshine broke through the cloud it was so uncanny. I settled our babies and went to bed. I woke up without her beside me. Called her friend she went to visit. She Left at 11:00. The wreck was at 11:30. Her heart stopped the next day. I can't talk about the hospital or emts until we finish with them in court but In Arkansas when you can't find someone you call jails and hospitals and I found her. She died just down the hall from where she gave life twice. Our vows were not solidified with a ring and a ceremony, a piece of paper and a priest, but with actions. Everyday I burned, bled, and broke my body untill we made it. Years we fought the Drs and nature to conceive our first. And how blessed we felt when our second was born. But now it's just us. I can't rest but I indulge my grief. I keep strong for ivy and fox. I thought it was weird when she brought home a wood burning that said "be brave little fox" with a cute fox burned into the wood. I thought "why does fox need to be brave?" But here I am in this shitty club no one chooses to join. To all of you, I'm sorry you're here but thank you for coming. You all make me stronger and able to go on.