I watched it yesterday. I was resistant to it at first. I never understood why Hollywood would romanticize widowerhood, the pain we go through, the loneliness, the thoughts of suicide...

Thirteen years ago, my oldest brother took his own life. My wife was terrified I'd follow suit bc we were so close. The entire time I spent grieving for him, suicide never entered my mind. Her support kept me afloat. She made me go to grief counseling. I learned coping techniques that help me now.

I only ever thought of suicide after she passed. She was my world. I took care of her, protected her every time she went into the hospital, from her PE to her cyclical nausea to her short cancer. If I'm being truthful, I still give suicide a passing thought. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy since her death.

Every time I think about suicide, I am reminded of what I went through after my brother's. It felt like everything was sucked into my core. I imploded into myself. I was angry to the point I wanted to fight EVERYONE. I was overwhelmed with a dark, inconsolable sadness. I hated the world bc I felt it had failed my brother. These memories stop everything in me. I wouldn't want my friends to go through this. It sucked big time.

I would love to join my beloved wife and I will someday. Just not today. I can do one more day in this life...and so can you.

May you all find a measure of peace. May we all.