i’ve been struggling with worsening fatigue and pain over the past year, and it’s gotten to the point where i’m starting to reluctantly admit that i would benefit from a wheelchair for longer outings, or when i’m especially weak. i already use a cane, and it took a while to accept the use of that without feeling weak or like a failure, or that i’m being overdramatic. now it’s gotten worse and too much walking is causing days of pain and debilitating muscle weakness. some days are better, but i’m worried that this is becoming a reality. i don’t know what to do about it.

it sounds like such a pain to use a wheelchair, and i hate the idea of sitting so low. what about stairs? i’m not crippled; i can stand up. will people judge me for standing up, as if i don’t “need” it? i’m so afraid of not being respected. i know i won’t be able to tell my family. i am told sometimes that i look healthy, in response to saying i am chronically ill. i’m 24, so i “shouldn’t” be sick. that always hurts. i’m worried i won’t even have a good time in a chair, though limping around isn’t much fun either. we have been needing to cancel outings lately because i’m too weak. i hate the idea of my boyfriend pushing me. makes me ashamed.

i know this is a lot of insecurity and uncertainty. i’m new to all this and wanted some support and advice. thank you.