i have a lot of baggage and shame surrounding my issues, as i feel like it’s weakness, giving up, or being dramatic. you can thank my father for that. along with a slew of other mental disorders, i also have fibromyalgia, which i hope to eventually overcome, but as of now, it seems to keep getting worse. i’ve been using a cane, but it’s gotten to the point where walking and standing almost at all, except on very good days, causes pain and weakness. my world was already small, but it just keeps shrinking. i don’t know how to overcome my shame and sense of failure for considering the use of a wheelchair when i’m 24 and “look healthy!!!” christ i hate that comment. i reluctantly agreed to use a wheelchair at the museum the other day, and although it was heavy and old, i still appreciated it. it was hard to swallow my shame when my partner pushed me though. can i still get a chair prescribed if i don’t think i will need it forever? or rather, i refuse to accept that it will last forever and i’ll go down kicking and screaming before i can’t hike again.

i don’t know what to really say about this. i’m just struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions about many things right now and this is another for the pile. i’d appreciate some support.