So let me give you a bite sized backstory about myself before I get into the details. When I started cosplaying, I gained a whole bunch of friends. I talked to anyone and everyone and it was super nice to have people talk to me and be able to share their ideas on how to make them and talk about anime and other topics and the like.

​

But that was 5 years ago.

​

Today, I'm struggling to really find a friend in anyone. I'll post about something and no one will ever really talk back. Unless it's to argue with why I seem to be wrong. I try to talk to some people and give my all, but never get anything back in return. I always end up feeling like they don't really care, even though I've put my heart and soul into attempting to keep the friendship alive. I know part of it is my depression, but it's also the fact that I love 30 miles away from everyone and barely anyone wants to come and visit me like I used to visit them. It's not like I live in a city; I live in BFE.

​

Today I was looking at a barrage of pictures I took before a convention and they were two of my friends who also cosplayed. It brought back good times, but I felt a bit sour as well because they just haven't ever talked to me much as the months went by. And then later, my friend's girlfriend was trying to do something nice for him and make a book where his friends would write 5 nice things about him so that when he was upset he would be able to look into the book and see what we wrote about him. I just felt jealous because I know not a single person I would consider my friend would ever do that for me and it just upset me to a point where I'm pretty much almost to tears at this point.

​

I don't know... Maybe I'm just being a selfish person about it, but on the other hand, isn't being friends all about give and take? Give a little time so that they can do the same for you, right? Or maybe it's because at this point, maintaining friendships as an adult is impossible since you're so busy all the time and never have time to talk. I don't talk much anymore, and I feel like it's because I'm just building a wall around me and I'm starting to feel that getting close to anyone is just a waste of time. But I do miss being close to good friends and being around their company and such.

​

I would really like some advice and just... Support, I guess?