My girlfriend of 3 and a half years just broke up with me a few hours ago. It wasn't a surprise really. She's been distant for a good while now. When we first got together she made it clear that she didn't want kids or to get married. I was fine with this. I did want kids eventually but could careless about getting married.

So she tells me that she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. That she loves me and that I'm her best friend and that she doesn't want to be without me but she just isn't in love with me anymore. She feels like she just got comfortable in the relationship and now just sees me as a friend. She had hoped the feeling would go away and she would be happy with me again but it didn't and it wouldn't be fair to keep leading me on.

We live together in a one bedroom apartment with animals that we got together. We share a phone bill. We share a car but it is my car. She works down the street. I work an hour away from here. I HATE my job and I've been looking for a new one closer to home for months but no one ever calls back. I'm lucky to get an email saying that they decided to go in another direction. The job itself isn't horrible but the mix of people, shitty management, and the distance make me want to leave. She loves her job. She actually just got a raise today. She's confident she can afford the apartment and the bills alone. I don't think I could do it alone and I make a dollar more than her.

My parents just moved out of their old home for a smaller one which does not have room for me. She doesn't have much family and the ones she does have won't or can't take her in with her animals. Neither of us have anywhere to go and where we live is pretty expensive for one person. It's doable but it would be really hard for one person. I know I should be the one to leave considering how far away I work from home. Most of our possessions are really mine. I took a small loan out for the down payment on this place a year ago that I'm still trying to pay back. Haven't made much progress on that so I'm about 3 grand in debt.

I'm not mad at her and I don't hate her. But I don't know what to do. I'm still in Iove with her but I knew this day might be coming soon. I could feel it but I didn't want it to be true. I really don't know what to do from here. I'm still kind of in shock. It doesn't feel real. Yet here I am in the early morning unable to sleep. We attempted to sleep in the same bed because I didn't want her on the couch and she didn't want me on it either. She's been crying a lot but she's asleep. I'm here on the couch now writing this. I'm just...lost I guess. Hoping I'll wake up from this bad dream. But I am awake. I think. I hope not.