I (18f) have been thinking about getting back with my ex (20m). A little background, I was obsessed with this man since I saw him on the bus on the first day of high school, just something about him made me feel all tingly inside. We started getting closer throughout the year and he would always lay on my lap everyday coming and going to school. This made me even more into him. After almost a year of this I decided I was going to kiss him. So one day when he was leaving for his stop, I grabbed him and started to kiss him. When I tell you the amount of fireworks I felt was insane. Since then I’ve never felt that way with anyone else. This continued for like a week when one day we were talking on Snapchat and he told me he had a girlfriend. That really hurt me, I continued to be friends with him since we were on the same bus but I still had feelings for him. Summer of that year I went to the fireworks my town does with this guy I liked and I ran into him. He picked me up and swirled me around said our hellos and went off to what we we’re doing. The guy I was with told me that the way he looked at me looked like he was in love with me, that is something I’ll never forget bc when someone tells you that they can see those emotions it’s makes my delusions feel less delusional. We continue to stay friends for awhile and then in my senior year he starts texting me and snapping me out of nowhere, and because time has gone I entertain it. We started hanging out everyday and I started to gain feelings again but this time it felt way more mutual and I knew he was single this time. So one day we go to six flags and it’s a lot of tension between us and everyone kept calling us a couple. So when we were in line we were standing on opposite sides of the stairs and he pulled me to move me out of the way of someone but I didn’t realize that I thought he was pulling me in to kiss him so I did exactly that. FIREWORKS AGAIN. So we go back to his place after and stuff heats up between us, we didn’t get pretty far cuz I had my mom asking me to come home. So the next time we hung out we hooked up and it was great! I should mention I have vulvodynia which makes penetration extremely painful for me, but he was amazing with it and made me feel really safe and sexy as well. This went on for a couple of days and then I left for New Mexico for a week to visit family. The day I got back I was going to a concert with my friends and he was going too. When I got there with my friends I saw him at the bracelet stand with some of his friends and I ran over and gave him a big hug, that’s when he introduced me to this girl he brought with him. We were all dancing having a good time and then I look over and they were making out. Heart shattered, I didn’t talk to him about it I just stopped talking to him. A couple months go by and I get a gf. Me and my gf got really serious really fast, classic uhaul. We were together for 8 months and we were moved in and engaged no exaggeration. We broke up because she left for the Air Force and it made me realize that is not how I want to live my life and long distance will kill me. Being without my fiancé for 2 months made me extremely depressed and I began to become extremely touch deprived. A little before her graduation he started to snap me again. I was set to keeps things with him platonic, since we were both in relationships. One day he asked to tag along one of my door dashing adventures so I said yes. We had fun and throughout he was complaining about his gf to me. And then we hung out one more time and then I left to go see my fiancé at her graduation. After her graduation we broke up and it didn’t go well, I ended up having to change my flight and come home a day early. Because of this I had no ride from the airport. I asked him because he had been helping me through the break up and he also lives a street down from me. We ended up chilling at his place and then I fell asleep cuz it was really late. He told me I could stay whenever even tho he knew it was accident. We started hanging out more and then one time he kissed me. I told him that I wasn’t ready and needed time to get over my ex. But with some words of encouragement from the besties I made a move and then that was it I was right back to being obsessed with him. I would stay at his place almost every night and he would treat me like his wife. This went on for three months. Everything was great in person but as soon as I would leave he would never respond to any of my snaps and just continuously left me on read. About a month ago I told him how it hurt me and that I felt I cared more and he said that he thought he cared more bc I was on tinder which I can see but the only reason I got tinder in the first place was to get the attention he wasn’t giving me. We continued seeing each other for about a month. Then I had enough of getting left on read bc he continued to not respond to me so i told him to fuck off and that I couldn’t believe I let him fuck me over for a third time. Is been about 20 days since then and he started to send me stuff on instagram saying “time is too valuable to be wasted on anything but love good vibes and happiness” “I’m addicted to you only you and I just want you with me all the time” “I love her so much but when she talks about other guys put girl in trash” I just messaged him back saying “bruh..” and he reacted with “🤔” so now here I am not knowing wtf to do please help