I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend (B) for 5 years (we knew each other since 6th grade).He had a crush on me for the longest time but I was scared to do anything like lots of young girls are. In 9th grade we started becoming really friendly and one night in a park we got very drunk and I blacked out. The next day I woke up without any clothes on in my bed and was confused at what happened. He told me he remembered everything and said he tried to have sex with me but it wasn't working too well because I was too drunk. I was very upset but by that point I lost all of my self worth and said fuck it because I pretty much lost my virginity at that point so I thought I had to be with him. He did drugs everyday so I basically forced myself to do them too so we would get along more with him and his friends. From that point on we pretty much were attached at the hip for 5 years, hanging out all day everyday which was quite unhealthy at times. I clearly have some attachment issues and we had a lot of problems because of it. Very co-dependant relationship especially with drugs.

At the start of this year, I started changing quite a lot for the better. My life goals, both short and long term, have changed a lot as well. Ive matured more too. I became fully sober which made us grow apart. So I began to really distance myself from him in order to collect my thoughts and figure out myself more and more. (B) was never receptive of my changes and it made me feel very lonely. So lonely that I would go on websites like Omegle just to have someone to talk to since my only friend was (B) and his friend group.

About 6 months ago I met a guy (A) on Omegle on the lonely tag. He's from America and I live in Canada. We clearly hit it off quite well and communicated very well. He would support me and encourage me to be the better version of myself which is what I needed all along. For 3 months we were talking on and off but towards the end of the 3rd month we couldn't go more than 2 hours without texting each other. He fit the person I have turned into and am still developing into this day. We grew together in a way I've never had before. We reinforce each other and have a deep connection that I've never truly experienced even with (B). It did pick up very fast and at a certain point we realized we have strong feelings for each other. Thats when things really took off. Yet at the same time, I never officially broke it off with my (B). We just rarely talked anymore at this point and really grew distant. Which I feel very guilty about.

(A) and I are on a roll and want to make this thing work down the line. We just complete each other. its something I've never experienced before and care about him so much and what we could become. We video call every night and talk about our days and experiences. Text each other throughout the day. every day. Always communicate. One day I decided to call (B) to clear some things up because I pretty much ghosted him, I kinda hinted that we were splitting without actually saying 'lets break up' because I couldn't get myself to say it. I now fear of meeting up to officially end it to this day. I'm scared of letting go. I don’t feel the same as I did before towards him but I'm scared to say it to his face. Sometimes I get sad bc I want to cuddle (A). but I cant and it makes me remember things I did with (B). I miss the physical contact and the only physical contact I've ever had was with (B). I miss having someone to lean on and cuddle.

Have I done the right thing by distancing from (B)? Am i wrong for seeking(A)? I feel so guilty and I don’t want my guilt to make me go back to (B). How do I deal with this? How do I handle long distance when coming out of an IRL relationship?