So I've posted here before. And I apologized if I'm annoying anyone with my post. But I (m/19/canada) met a guy on reddit (m/23/Philippines) in March. My parents are overbearingly homophobic and we're moving to a homophobic small island in the Caribbean.

I don't understand what I'm feeling. I know I'm inlove with him. But I'm sure he loves me more. He loves me to the point he gets turn on whenever he hears my voice or we videocall. I told him how I feel towards him anyways. But again I can't explain what I'm feeling. Whenever I listen to a sad or sentimental song I get sad and I start tearing up and thinking about my boyfriend. Everything connects me to think of him. There are days I miss him so much I feel sad.

I try not to revolve my world around him. But when we had disagreements (Nothing big), I lose my appetite and I can't eat much and I feel numb.

Part of me wants him to be the one so much and I have every reason for me to want him. This is my first relationship. I'm not sure if I experienced a honeymoon phase or that. I don't know how that feels, but all I ever wanted was to be with him. Thinking about him makes me feel of something thats been missing. I'm not a romantic person and my mind is always on auto pilot mode but idk. He's not the hottest guy but I should not care about looks as to personality and characteristics because that matters alot more! He loves me more then I love him, but I want him so much!