So I been posting here and other sub reddits similar to this one. Btw, sorry for posting too much here. I hope I'm not annoying anyone. To cut the story short, I'm (19/m) closeted gay, met a guy (22/m) on reddit in March and we're in a relationship. I just want to point out that my guy is from Philippines and my mom is also from there...so I'm half filipino.

I know some people may say I'm too young to be in a LDR or relationship but I can't afford to have a local relationship because my parents are very homophobic and my mom is restrictive to the point where I can't visit friends even before the pandemic. My mom says this mantra,"Don't be gay".

Anyways, at some point my guy told me he'd loves me later on. One time we got into a fight, he told me "I love you and I'm willing to be that one idiot who will be a martyr for you". The reason why we got into a fight in the first place was because I kept asking whether he'll find someone that will make him happier then I do and I've kept saying negative stuff. Which I can agree is my fault. In regards to that, my guy told me "yes, their are others who like him (my guy) such as his friends but theirs happiness only certain people can give and thats from me" I tried to imagine my life without him and I didn't like it. He even told me he carved my name on a tree. I mean, I keep having the feeling that if I leave him, it wouldn't be the same. I feel wrong to date someone else. I would feel jealous if he met someone else. He even texted my best friend (I'd introduce him to my bestfriend and met his virtually) that he loves me and that he was talking a lot about my self growth to her. He told me, he would be respectful with my decision if I left him but he'll be very hurt though. Tbh, I love him and I really want him in my life.

This is the part that worries me. I'd finish college as its was only 2 semesters but it was a course that my dad wanted me to take into a career (electrician) I wasn't sure about. But not only that, but my dad wants us to move to his country, Trinidad (which is somewhat of a homophobic country) in 1-2 years. My relatives their are very very homophobic. With that said, if I were to move to there, I'd be hard for me to do things towards my relationship (and even have a local relationship) as I'd be around my parents. This also worries me a lot, my mom doesn't want me to move out as shes very against that idea. She wants me to be with them (my parents) for my whole life...Yes, I love my parents more then anything but they're very homophobic.

So yes, having an online long distance relationship is a lot more easier for me then having a virtual one. And to look at the positive side of my relationship, I've been to Philippines before, am very familiar with the culture, learning the language as I already can understand, and my family is going to be going to Philippines again. The only thing is that my guy isn't from the same part of Phil as my family but that isn't a big issue.

I also know my guy is broke so I won't be meeting him for 2-4 years as he's still in uni. This won't make a big difference for me as I don't have the independence to travel solo...at least for now. I have a part time job though and my dad drops me to work and picks me up.

One last concern is my mom snooped my phone (I don't have a lock on my phone) and founded out about my guy as she saw the heart emojis and the phrase "my prince" lol. She keeps bugging me whether I talk to him still which I deny no. She doesn't even trust me on my phone or laptop...Sometimes she spies on me or constantly ask who I'm talking too. Its so annoying. I'd recently started saying the guy is my classmate to twist the situation a bit. Anyways, I started hiding apps.

Anyways, my guy knows about all of this. And he tries to comfort me. I have to mention this guy also kinda save me from my suicidal thoughts.

I really want him and he really wants me. I've put this on this subreddit because when I put this on a Lgbt subreddit, some people say I've only have a pen pal, while some people are supportive.

How can I approach this? Thank you for your advice :)