I met this really wonderful girl online and I've been talking to her for the past 5 or so months. I've fallen in love with and just last month she told me she also has feelings for me too, which made me really happy, but the both of us aren't ready to start dating just yet as we both seem to have a lot of problems holding us back in our personal lives, ESPECIALLY me, and the both of us are also really busy with college and university at the moment, so we're just working things out between us as of right now.

Ever since I've met her my life has gotten 95% more better and I've never been felt this happy in my entire life. Though there's a reason why it's only "95%"... what's holding me back from being completely happy with myself are some really old habits I've picked up from my past.

Before I met my crush, or my future gf, I was stuck in a extremely toxic friendship for about 5 years, or more, I can't remember. Hanging out with him has given me severe trust issues and has made me even more insecure than I already was before meeting him... and as for any of the other friends I had back then, um well, let's just say they weren't so trustworthy themselves... they were never good at helping me whenever I tried opening up to them as I remember that they always act so condescending towards me and I'm just told to get over it. At the time I really had no one to turn to, so I just bottled up all of my emotions and kept everything to myself.

Thankfully I'm no longer in contact with any of those douchebags now that I've cut ties with them completely, although spending so much time with them has made develop a crap ton of habits that I now wish I had delt with way sooner...

I constantly think about other possibilities and outcomes in EVERY scenario, I worry and start hyperventilating over the most little things, I get stressed out whenever someone talks differently through text and when they take too long to respond or when I take too long to respond, I overthink about what I should say in conversations because I desperately want to keep the convo going and not make things awkward, I get easily jealous, etc... I have many more habits but the ones I mentioned just now are the more bigger ones, and they've been affecting me the most over everything else.

My crush is the most nicest and sweetest person I've ever met, she's so understand, forgiving and very lenient with me that she rarely gets mad whenever I make a mistake or mess up in front of her. Most of the time she brushes everything off and tells me that its okay, other times she just warns me to be more careful next time. Unlike my old friends, I 100% trust her with my life and I've already gotten comfortable with opening up to her about my problems because she's actually patient with me and talking to her always makes me feel better. Although I've already opened up to her about this particular problem so many times, and even so these problems still come back after a few days, and I don't want to bother her with the same problem, so I need to find other ways of seeking help.

With that being said, I am well aware that I should have nothing to worry about whenever I'm with her, I have no reason to doubt her, and I have no reason to be jealous either because she already literally confirmed she has feelings for me and that she's willing to help work things out between us so that we can eventually be ready to get into a real relationship, yet I'm still stressing over everything. For a while I didn't know why, but then I realized that it could all just be instinct, since I've had these habits for so long before meeting her that I've just gotten so used to having them at this point, but I just hate the fact that now of all times these habits are becoming a detriment to me.

All I ask is some advice on how I can better deal with these old habits I've been having so much trouble with so I can stop living a life of constant stress x.x