Okay, so this is kind of a long story, so I apologize in advance.

My stepmom is one of six. She's been in my life for a very long time, and her family is very nice - but, they're not my family. Stepmom does not get along with myself or my full sister (now "big sis") and so in the past ten years or so I've seen one of her family members - a cousin of mine who is close in age and lives in the same city as me. All other family lives in another state. I only see this one cousin for family events that stepmom invites her to.

Other than that, I have not attended the yearly family reunions or any weddings. Basically, I'm not very interested in having a relationship with them and I believe they feel fairly similar - polite but uninterested.

Last year, another cousin got married, and neither big sis nor I could go. Although both of us are in our twenties and do not live with stepmom and dad, neither of us got an invitation. So, we are honestly not sure if we were even invited to that wedding. Later, we found out our names were not on the invitation sent to stepmom/dads house so we were not actually invited.

Now, stepmom is determined that we show up at the next wedding, again, for a cousin I haven't seen in almost ten years. The wedding is out of state and in eight months. Big sis and I have again not received save the dates/invitations/any indication we are invited. But stepmom is sending us links to the hotel block like we should buy a room.

I have a few problems:

1. I have no idea if I'm invited or not and I don't know who to ask. Is it rude to message the bride? I'm not fishing for an invite, but if we're not invited I don't want her to feel obligated to change that and send one. I also am not close to anyone so I don't know who I could ask. For the last wedding, we were not included in the invitation sent to dad/stepmom, but stepmom was all "it doesn't matter because familyyyyy." Also stepmom sent the text about the hotel block to myself, big sis and her SO (she doesn't have my SOs number). Does that mean in this hypothetical world we also get plus ones?

2. The wedding is out of state and I'm honestly not interested in going. If I am invited I would probably consider going just to get my stepmom to shut up about it.

3. How do I navigate this? Stepmom is either going to be ridiculously angry at myself (and big sis - I have a feeling neither of us is going) or angry with the cousin. I don't really want to cause family drama about this whole thing, but it looks like I'm going to no matter what.

As a side note, I know none of these people will be invited to my future wedding because frankly, that would be over fifty people I don't care about added to the guest list. Not sure if that factors into anyone's response.