My fiancee and i got engaged about two months ago after knowing each other and dating for a while, and while we are going to have a longer engagement (our earliest possible date is in late 2024), we have been doing some preliminary brainstorming. We are on the same page on a lot of things but she said something that kinda worried me. My partner is definitely romantic but in a quieter way. I love their romance and i definitely feel loved, but i'm much more of a sappy outwardly romantic person. it's worked for us. But one thing keeps happening. I'll make suggestions of things to include in the wedding/reception ideas, and anythin that is personal to us and our love story they reject basically immediately.
the most recent instance of this was, since we are both writers and we met at writing camp and bonded over books and such, we could theme our tables with different stories that have been important to us and our relationship. i was really excited about this idea, but she immediately got uncomfortable. She told me that this idea felt "too personal", like it was too much information.
I was kinda taken aback because it didn't make sense to me that something could be too personal at our wedding. i expressed this (politely, i promise) and she explained that a lot of people don't know her that well that would be there. which made me even more ??? feeling. and she meant like relatives, like aunts, uncles, cousins and such that she would "have" to invite.
she struggles with self esteem and doesn't seem to want anything at the wedding that says more about her than the basics. I love my partner so much and i want her to have a wonderful wedding day. I do not want her to be uncomfortable. But at the same time it seems like she wants to do what people who barely know her would expect of her and not revealing stuff about herself that isn't general knowledge.
And also, i don't want to sound selfish, but i do want our wedding to be about us and our silly little love story with the dumb media we like and the weird sense of humor we share. it hurts a bit that these things seem to be embarassing for her outside of the space of the two of us, when I love that stuff about us. I've worked hard to love my lil queer and neurodivergent self and the way I love deeply. I don't want to have to hide the things that make me and her and us unique for the sake of distant relatives that haven't put in the effort to actually know my fiancee as they are. i don't think being different or "weird" is a bad thing.
I guess i just don't know how much to be push back for our wediing to include details personal to us, and how much to let it be. (i am willing to answer any follow up questions that could help)