You get home from a long day working at Burger King to find your wife and her boyfriend giggling on the couch. He’s probably been over all day again.

As you walk past the living room, accompanied by a thick musk of oil and tendies, he jests at you, “I heard the stock market was redder than your asshole. Sounds like another way you can’t take care of your wife. Destined to only serve other people tendies.”

You laugh it off and say you need to change, before retreating to the guest bedroom.. your room. As the door closes behind you, you run to your bed with tears falling down your face.

..How could Elon fail me. Everyone else turned 50k into a million! Monday everyone said it was going to the moon.. The $TSLA 550c 9/4 you hold now worth only the confirmation that your wife does deserve better.

You pull your bag of Doritos from under your pillow and shovel two handfuls of nacho cheese coated chips into your mouth. For a second the pain stops and it hits you. You’ve been eating Doritos every day for the past 3 years. The taste is more familiar and comforting than your wife’s pussy.

That’s when you decide to YOLO Doritos. But $Doritos won’t come up on Robinhood and you give up, falling asleep alone in your piss dribbled undies.

Some weeks later, when they release their Q3 earnings, you will find out that Bepsi owns Doritos, Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and a mountain of other essential nutrients for the Michelin Man look you’ve achieved.

$PEP 140c 10/2

How many Doritos you railed last quarter is announced October 1st.