So had the talk with hubby last night about starting to prevent again (we were NTNP). I said we should probably start preventing again because our finances look horrible at the minute and we have a busy summer of crap planned that is going to cost us a lot of money. Can't really get out of any said crap either. He went silent (he really wants one now as he's 30 already and he didn't want to be an "old" dad.) So I said you can counter it and have an opinion on the matter. So he starts talking about everything we have to do this summer and figuring out how much it will all cost (conclusion = a lot. Push back our wait time 3 more months a lot.) At this point, I've called my friend to cancel out trip to go see her, cancelled our trip with my brother, and cancelled on my sister about taking my niece to hang out (thank god she hadn't told her yet.) He says three months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. But here's the thing, it is to me. So cute the major breakdown (we're talking can't breath uncontrollable sobs for at least 20 minutes) I had in bed last night. He's trying to make it better and cuddle me. I finally get up the courage/energy to say, three months might not be a big deal to you but it's three more months that my grandma might not get to meet our kid. She's not doing so hot right now and she's the most important woman in my life and yes I want her to at least meet my kid(s). It's already going to be pushing it with our current timeline to actually start trying and not just NTNP. The reality is, I'm not sure I want to have kids if she can't meet at least one of them.

I seriously have no clue what to do either. Be really irresponsible and stick to our current plan so that there's a better chance of my grandma meeting them? Or do we do the responsible thing and wait two more years or so so that we might be in a better place financially but risk my grandma not being here? Which really will crush me and I really don't know if I could have a kid knowing she will never meet them. Might sound dumb or childish or selfish or whatever to some people but she is my mentor, she raised me 100%, she's more than my grandma in so many ways.

Ugh sorry for the wall of text that I'm sure makes no sense.