I'm stuck in a tough spot where I want to wait for the right person to lose my virginity to, even if it takes years, but at the same time, there's pressure to just get it over with because I'm getting older. While I definitely lean toward waiting for the right person, the idea of "just doing it" keeps creeping into my mind. What if I never find them?

I've had moments of desperation where people reached out, offering to help me out, but I always backed off. It's like my mind is playing games with me. Part of me has considered giving something so important to someone I’d never see again, while the other part wants to wait for the right time and person. I know that overthinking this now might affect me later if I end up losing it to just anyone.

Why is it taking me so long to find the right person? It could be my social anxiety or maybe the fact that I still feel unestablished in many areas of my life. Or maybe I'm just making excuses. It’s not about looks, aside from my body, which I'm still working on but isn’t bad. As for my face, I’ve been told I was handsome by people.

A bit about me: I used to spend years doing nothing, stuck in my room all day. But two years ago, I decided to change. I’ve lost 130 pounds, and I’m about to graduate with a technology degree. I never thought I’d turn my life around like this, but I still have a lot to work on, like getting my license, improving my body, talking to people more, and continuing my education. These things are important to me because they give me more confidence. While it is true that I should prioritize getting my life together over dating, it's something that I always wanted to experience and give the love that I've been holding back.

I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy with where I’m at, and that’s what matters. I was born in NYC with a Jamaican and British background. I’m 5’9”, weigh 285 pounds, wear glasses, and don’t have any tattoos. I don’t smoke or do drugs, and I try to dress presentably. I might have ADHD, but I still need to get diagnose. I have OCD for sure lol. I’m introverted, awkward, shy, a bit nerdy, and I love gaming, movies, anime, and nature. I enjoy quiet, relaxing places, but I’m also okay with busy areas, having grown up in the city. I try to incorporate new hobbies in my life and continue taking mental health serious. I also focus a lot on my physical health by working out every chance I get and maintaining a good hygiene.

Right now, I’m studying database and other IT stuff. So I will try to make time for what ever. That’s a bit about me, but there’s a lot more I could say. Just to be clear (since "M4F" isn't clear to some people), I'm straight and that will never change, I'm only open to women only so please refrain from messaging me other wise. Thanks for reading.